On March 27, my best friend Anine and I set off for our first trip together. We had always talked about doing a trip together but never had the opportunity until now. Since the free part of our trip was in Sharm el Sheik, we had to make a plan to visit Cairo as well. After all, how can you go to Egypt and not see the pyramids?

It took us weeks to finalise our itinerary because we also wanted to see the Valley of the Kings and Alexandria, but it was only after we booked our accommodation in Cairo did we realise that Luxor is an 8 hour drive away, which would have made it impossible to do in a day unless we got an early morning flight there and a late afternoon flight back. Since we couldn’t get flights far enough apart, we eventually made peace with the fact that we wouldn’t be able to go to Luxor, and use the extra day we had to see more of Cairo instead. And thank goodness we did.

But first of all, why would just getting to Cairo need its own post? Well, let’s just say it was a journey to remember.

Kenya Airways

Our dumbasses flew out of Johannesburg via Kenya Airways because it was the most affordable option and the flight times suited us. At least, that’s what we thought. The plane itself wasn’t that bad, with so much legroom (and not just because we were in the emergency row) that I couldn’t reach the seat in front of me even with my arms fully extended. It was actually an extremely entertaining flight for all the wrong reasons.

1. Every time the seatbelt light came on, the flight attendant would literally shout into the microphone to announce it. Bear in mind this was a 17:30 flight which lasted approximately 5 hours, long enough for passengers to want to nap. We were woken up with a jump start every time the seatbelt light came on because of the shouting. I felt like I was back in high school with the principal shouting at someone who had just gotten into trouble.
2. There were no screens at the back of each chair, but rather one that came down from the overhead panel every couple of rows. This was fine except for the fact that the one in front of us was malfunctioning, so it would only stay down for about 30 seconds before folding back into the panel.
3. Half of my armrest was broken off.

I have honestly never laughed so much during a flight as I did through this one. What a comedy of errors. Thankfully we landed safely in Nairobi.

Nairobi Airport

Avoid this airport if you can. Seriously. We were in transit for 6 hours and even though it wasn’t the burned down building I remembered stopping at 6 years ago while on the way to Abu Dhabi, it is without question the most dark and dingy airport I’ve ever been to.

1. There are way too many security points (understandably), which would have been fine if the security personnel didn’t make you remove your shoes every time.
2. The terminals are very poorly marked so you have to ask every official in sight where to go, and even when you get to the terminal you need to be at, you won’t know unless you ask an official.
3. There are security points between each terminal. Even if you have to pass through one terminal just to use the bathroom or visit the one and only restaurant, you need to go through the full security check again. And remove your shoes again. I know this sounds like a repeat of the first point, but there really are that many security checks. I lost count of how many times we removed our shoes.
4. There are only 4 types of shops at this airport: chocolates, perfumes, alcohol, and general souvenirs. There must have been dozens of these shops throughout the airport, every one looking like the last one we would have just passed 10 seconds ago. Hundreds and hundreds of meters of the same types of shops all on the left side of the poorly lit walkways.

Anine and I had no idea what to do in those 6 hours as there was literally nothing to do in that airport. When we initially arrived, we went to figure out where our gate was so that when the time came for us to leave, we would have familiarised ourselves with the layout of the airport enough to not have to panic about where to go at the last minute. We had to be in terminal 1C, but the problem was that the only thing “to do” i.e. the sole restaurant in the airport, was back in terminal 1B, meaning we needed to go back through the security checks and remove our shoes yet again. We should have just walked around barefoot at that point.

When we eventually got to the restaurant, the only place that had relatively comfortable chairs to sit on, it took about 20 mins for someone to even serve us. While waiting, I kept hearing the word “jambo” on all the announcements and all I could think about was Mean Girls. Apologies to those who aren’t fans; you probably wouldn’t get the reference.

Anine ordered a (massive) mocha for herself and cappuccino for me, and sparkling water for each of us. I don’t know how she wasn’t aware that I hate sparkling water, but I was also way too exhausted to say anything until after the waitress walked away. I had been pestering her to have Airmune since before we even left Johannesburg, but we never got the chance till now. Having it with sparkling water was…interesting. Airmune may be one of the most disgusting things you can take, but it works like a bomb.

After literally paying 1000 Shillings for our small order, we stayed at our table for as long as possible to enjoy the “comfortable” seats. It was already passed midnight, and there were barely any other people at the airport, let alone the restaurant.

You would think that since Nairobi’s airport is an international one, that not only would all the lights be on, but that the lone restaurant would be open 24/7. But alas, no! Let’s just start throwing water on the floor and put the chairs on top of the tables while patrons are still eating so that we can mop the floors, why don’t we? I’m pretty sure that’s what went through the waitress’ mind once we paid the bill. And don’t get me wrong, we were not the only customers present, there were at least 3 other tables that were occupied and they looked equally perplexed at what was going on. I don’t know what is considered courteous in Kenya, or if it’s just the case of this restaurant, but a simple “we’re closing soon, we would appreciate if you could finish up” or something along those lines would have been nice.

Anine and I left the restaurant in disbelief and lumbered through the almost completely dark airport. We still had another 3-4 hours to kill and we had no idea what to do with ourselves. Exhausted and just looking for a comfortable place to sit, we thought the smoking lounge would be a good place of refuge. Anine was dying for the nicotine (she smokes an e-cigarette) and you would think the word “lounge” denotes a pleasant, comfortable place to relax. Not in Nairobi Airport. The smoking lounge was more like a hole in the wall with 5 plastic bar stools randomly strewn across a dark asymmetrical room no bigger than a small bathroom. There was not even a table or counter present, just a trapezoid-shaped room with a door.

We carried on walking through the dark corridors looking for a place to sit, where the only source of light (in most cases) was that coming out of the closed shops. We also passed some workers who were replacing some tiles, and we did not want to hear the banging of a chisel at 1am so we had to carry on walking until we couldn’t hear the noise anymore. We eventually found some steel chairs in front of another shop whose windows were lined with chocolates, and sat there for the next 2 hours.

The one good thing about the airport was that it had wifi, so we were at least able to watch YouTube videos. I was delaying having my Airmune as much as possible because I wasn’t keen on having the sparkling water, but when I eventually opened it, it wasn’t that bad. It was far better than some of the crappy over fizzy, bitter ones I had had before. I drank about half the bottle, then dissolved the Airmune in the rest. It was vile, but I tried to drink it quickly to get it over with.

At one point we also witnessed an extremely rude passenger demanding that a shop be opened so that he could be served, saying “This is an international airport so I should be served”. Actually, no, you don’t have the authority to reopen a shop just because you’re a passenger. He was so demanding that the staff had no choice but to give him what he wanted. I remember saying to Anine, “What a twat!”. 

The funny thing is, because we had absolutely nowhere to go, Anine and I could catch up on the most random of conversations. The challenge with my friendship with Anine is that because we work together and both have such demanding jobs, we don’t really get a chance to talk unless we are completely alone. If we do see each other at work, it is only briefly, and our conversations are usually hijacked by someone else. If it’s not a person and we’re outside having a quick coffee break, then there always seems to be a noisy motorbike that will drive passed while we’re speaking. It had become so frustrating because we both had so much to say but never could. If there was one good thing I took away from our experience at Nairobi Airport, not to mention our entire trip as a whole, it would be that we could actually chat uninterrupted.

At around 2:30am we made our way to the boarding gate and could not be happier that our time at this dingy hole was going to be coming to an end. We had to go through security yet again, but this time we were given a boarding card. Not a boarding pass, a boarding card. I’ll get to what it was for in a moment.

The waiting area by the gate was quite empty when we first got there, so we managed to get decent seats. We still had over an hour to kill before boarding, but at least this area had better lighting. I’ve seen Anine tired, but not like this. I knew I looked like hell myself, and at one point I began to hallucinate a little, wondering if I would ever leave that airport. I’m pretty sure she felt the same way. As for that useless boarding card? It was just that: useless. All we had to do was hand it to the official and he allowed us to board. That was it.

Egypt Air

We fell asleep just minutes after finding out seats. It was around 4am, so we were too tired to care about how comfortable we were in our seats. I remember waking up for a brief moment as the engine noise increased just before takeoff, but I was completely knocked out again before it even left the runway.

Overall the flight to Cairo was far more pleasant than the experience we had had thus far, except for one thing. Let’s just say screaming flight attendants was a thing on this journey. Not on speaker, but in person. I have never witnessed passengers being shouted at to close their window blinds during the flight. It is normally a nice request made by the cabin crew leader that they will dim the lights for our convenience or whatever, and that we should also close the blinds, not “Close the blinds! Now! You sir, please, close now!”. It was almost as if something bad was happening outside the plane and they didn’t want us to see.

We landed around 7:30am, exhausted but relieved to have finally arrived. All we wanted to do was sleep, but with a full day ahead of us and checkin only at 2pm, all we could do was use the excitement of being on holiday as fuel to get us through the day.

We were in Egypt, and that’s all that mattered.